What got me hooked into yoga, back in 2004, was the small enlightning truths some teachers feed you. For example, when someone makes you realize the fine line between working hard, and self-violence. That, one is productive and even meditative, while the other is damaging and leaves you worst off. You can often project these truths into anything you do, and you leave the practice with your mind just a little bit more opened. Feeling a little bit more whole.
The physical aspect is typically what reels in the followers. The reference yogis and yoginis are typically slender but powerful, flexible but strong. It’s a great compliment to any physically demanding sport. For years I practiced yoga off and on.. but it was only during my yoga teacher training, in Goa, end of 2015, that I reconnected with the spiritual dimension of yoga. I was keen to go out there and bring it to people, one inspiring truth at a time, the way my first teacher Eve had done it in my classes in 2004. To bring the best of me to others.
Many believe in the power of manifestation. Focus commitedly on what you desire, ask the universe, and it will come to you. One thing is for sure, it usually helps to tell others what you want. And so on this first morning in Kerala, when I was flagged down in the street to talk about Myanmar (wearing a souvenir shirt displaying in bad English - “Remember to I love Bagan, Myanmar”) in what seemed like a never-ending conversation… I eventually decided this wasn’t just a banal meet up. “So, what can you do for me? Any information about the area?” I returned. This is when the well travelled Indian man and his Swiss sidekick told me about this resort-like property on a sustainable farm, about an hour out of town. Ah ha. Very much my style. And a slogan that caugh my eye: “Is the Lonely Planet making you feel lonely again?”. That’s when I knew this meetup was meant to be. I had narrowed my goals to one priority for the week, and that was my next line: “I want to teach yoga this week. I’ll do it in exchange for room and board. Could your business use a yoga teacher?”
And this is how we made plans to meet later that day for me to follow them home.
Later we stopped along the road to buy “chicken and fish”, I realized it was the real deal. They pulled out live chickens from a stack of cackling cages, and a huge fish from the freezer. Less troubling, that last one. Paul and I were troubled, and had to walk away from the stall. At age 40, like perhaps half of India, Paul had never eaten meat in his life, and I prefer not to, for a variety of reasons. For one, these chickens didn’t have a life to speak of. But society chooses to look the other way, so around the world, animals are treated cruelly.
Paul’s 23 year old sidekick Felice’s comment was “but eating chicken is normal”. I cringed. This reminded me of presenting environmental impacts of dairy production to a crowd of somewhat attentive dairy farmers, and having one farmer start the questions session with “but it hasn’t even been proven that climate change is linked to human behaviour”. Sorry Mr. Trump. It’s just too much effort to get into a discussion with someone who doesn’t care to ask themselves any serious questions or question their own behaviour.
The use of the word “normal” by Felice that made me cringe so much was later followed with a similar reaction to the use of the word “weird”. He had used it to describe how Indians can be really intense when they meet new people, by showing a great deal of enthusiasm in getting to know the person and seeing them again. In short, they *really* want to be your friend, without that layer of comfortable distance Westerners usually surround themselves with. But to call their behaviour “weird”, in their own environment, is just projecting another society’s more or less accepted behaviour onto one where it does not belong. And to do that, you have to start by generalising the behaviour of reference, and then generalising the behaviour of the people you are throwing your pre-conceived ideas against. This leaves no room for individuality. This in turn is quite a contrast with Felice, who seemed like a rebellious kid, into fast cars and fast bikes, having done every marginal activity from break dancing to snowboarding, etc. But always, Felice was quick to generalise anything and everything.
The irony here is that a lot of Felice’s general anger, also behind this judgement, is linked to just this type of behaviour. For having been an outsider in a homogenous group, growing up as a muslim (later converted) and darker-skinned youth, to an absent mom, in a white-bread homogenous germanic Switzerland.
Sadly, we repeat the same negative behaviours we condemn.
And we fear the unknown. It is easier to judge it then to accept it.
Felice’s stay at the ‘resort’ had been going on for about two months. Paul said he was mentally 10 when he first showed up. He followed saying “now, he’s about 15”. We laughed, as nearby Felice could actually hear us. Perhaps it’s a good thing he did. I hadn’t been around for long, but it was obvious that the way Felice harnessed so much anger inside, he had a lot of emotional maturing to do still, and the first step is waking up.
And yet this guy is a really sharp-minded, observant, skilled and kind individual. He is just one more emotionally stunted person that could potentially “ruin” their life by making decisions on a daily basis fuelled by the pent-up emotions inside. Like an emotional cancer, slowly growing everyday, inhibiting basic functions of the soul, such as love and compassion. This seems to be a rampant problem among people growing up “in the West” surrounded by “normal” standards. Like others, Felice was molded to distrust, to fear, to judge, to hate.
Fortunately for Felice, different factors in his life made him realize his anger and subsequent behaviour were undesirable going forward, and with the funny ways life does its thing, he was offered the opportunity to come spend some “healing” time with Paul, a Tantra “guru” that had helped heal a friend of Felice from testicular cancer, along with an ongoing ayurvedic health routine.
Meanwhile, Paul is not your conventional guru. From the second I met him, I never would have used the word “zen” to describe him, as you might with most gurus. Rather, he was intense all the way, all the time. With an equally strong and stubborn personality, Paul and Felice butted heads quite often. Most compelling however was the innate love in their relationship. This somehow made the yelling and arguing okay, because they relied “unconditionally” on each other. I was quite amazed at this. Only Indians love this much, in my experience. One minute I was stressed by their turbulent disagreements; the next, I was blown away by the strength in the bonding made in the conversation. And so amidst all the chaos between those two, I found it easy to love both of them for their big hearts. I figured they could both learn from each other, but they had to get rid of their egos. They always fought to be right, it was like two bulls in one arena! The discussions would often derail when Paul presented Tantra-based arguments that were unrealistic in the Western world (eg: no need to wear a seat belt if you tap into tantric energy), and Felice replied with a provocative generalisation hinting at violent behaviour (eg: the importance of everyone owning a gun). Then all hell broke loose.
In this I found inspiration for my yoga class. Physically, I was introducing Felice to a more Western style of practice, a hatha flow class, more physically demanding then the Indian hatha he was used to. I threw in a few demanding arm balances as I could tell he had the physical power, and this twist would make it extra interesting, perhaps luring him into the practice. He turned out to execute all the postures perfectly on first attempt! I wouldn’t credit my teaching.. he just has a good awareness of his strength and body alignment.
More importantly, I brought a few basic ideas in meditation, for the class opening and closing. This is where I knitted in my inspiration and wisdom. The idea was to help bring awareness to all the negative emotions and thoughts that seemed to always be lurking nearby. To help them start observing the ego at work. Observe the mind’s incessant banter; all the negative thoughts are useless. Fear, anger, sadness, linked to your past or maybe projections in the future.. they loop you in and take you away from your current existence in the present. When you notice yourself caught up in negativity, breathe and come back. Focus on where you are, what is happening around you. Let go of the bagage. It’s already done enough (too much).
Repeatadly during class, I would bring him back to the present: Where is your mind right now. Are you here?
Eventually that day, I felt it was my time to go. I got back on the road. The rest of my week was amazing, but I did not get another chance to teach yoga. This had been it. But it had been extra special.
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