the Handprint: creating value and inspiring change

 Impact is a word that is typically linked to negative connotation, although it really refers to a short or long term change caused by X. Think of the impact of environmental catastrophe. But then, think of the impact of micro-loans in developing countries. Enabling and empowering can have limitless positive impact. Education - one word that says so much - is a great example of that.

In today's world, more people are becoming aware of their environmental impact. An increasing number of businesses are using a series of indicators linked to impact. Such as with the 'Carbon Footprint'. "We manage what we measure" is a saying that just reflects a basic principle. Such as - you drive in the direction you are you looking at. These numbers are used to establish targets, to create change, sometimes even before properly estimating what is feasible and what we have the resources to support. Meanwhile, this backcasting method can also lead to more ambitious change.

The fact is, everything has an environmental impact. It is a necessary evil to.. well.. life. I wrote a previous piece on the topic. If we cannot eliminate our impact, then what is a reasonable target?

But wait, instead of trying to be more religious than God himself, what if we approached things from a different angle, one that is limitless, inspiring, positive, creative.. ? One that allowed us to be, impacts included, and capitalised on all our human talents - to create, nurture, improve, etc.

Greg Norris, a former colleague, is an exceptionally inspired person. He once had the opportunity to explain Life Cycle Assessment (environmental footprinting) to the Dalai Lama himself (seen here). He also traveled to Bhutan to get a better understanding of the calculation behind the Index of Happiness and how these ideas are put in practice. It has been greatly discussed in today's ideology, that measurements of success based on economic growth are contradictory to the very definitions of sustainability. If Human Wealth (well being and happiness) is the ultimate goal, than why focus on one mean (financial wealth) instead of the goal itself.

I digress again. Greg, supported by Harvard's network, is now working on building NetPositive Enterprises (video). In his professional journey, he created the concept of the Handprint, which is essentially the opposite of the conventional Footprint. Whereas the latter looks at the direct impact of your actions on the environment (such as the quantity (kg) of CO2 produced by a manufactured item), the handprint looks at the positive impact of your actions with respect to sustainability. The main difference is, this aspect is limitless. There are no limits to the social and environmental wealth you can create and inspire, really.

Take for example the case of Pocheco, a French envelope producing company that has virtually turned the direction around on all types of impact its type of business is typically responsible for. (video in FR) Cutting trees? It plants 4 x what is cut. Energy? It produces more than it uses. Waste? Everything is used and reused. Particles? Absorbed by the green roof, which also traps rain water for plant use. Chemicals? All natural products, streams of which are naturally biodegraded on-land. It's a beautiful story, an inspiring one. Circularity and positive impact does not have to be limited to exceptions. We are all capable of changing our ways and inspiring others.

Go on, be inspired. Help create value. Do your best. Collaborate. Inspire. ... Others will follow.

growing some wings - how to afford time off

Being on sabbatical (any period of break time) can sound like paradise… or give you serious vertigo. We each have different perspectives and influences into this. In some sectors, as is the academic world, taking one year off to travel and network is not uncommon. I have also heard of (now eliminated) systems where someone could sign on to a program to have 20% of their salary put away automatically every year so that after four years, the savings could translated into an equivalent fifth year of paid leave at 80% of their salary. In reality however, one rarely plans for this. We can however access different means of income or financial fixes to help support our desire for a little freedom and time off. Below are some tips on how to generate income, decrease your costs and even live for free. It is followed by a non-negligeable comment about spending and how to deal with the remaining financial stress.

Housing and Habitual Costs:

If you own property, consider renting it part or all of it. You can easily live less comfortably for the time needed. This also gives you wings to move around. Pets can be rented with the apartment (okay easier with cats). My tenants have all fallen for my fluffy Cloud. Alternatively, if you are renting, consider subletting your furnished apartment and only putting personal things away.

- Speaking of things: now is a great time to simplify and get rid of whatever is not being used. You will feel much lighter, and might make a few $ in the process.

- Simplify monthly costs! Get rid of cable, get rid of data plans on your phone (wifi is everywhere, lets be honest), all subscriptions that are costly and you are hardly using. These just weigh you down. Find alternatives, like free digital books from the library, run outside, stream your show, etc.

These days, I can make a decision to pack up for a few months in the matter of a week or do, just enough time to find a tenant. In most metropolitan areas, there is a facebook forum for expats or work-holiday visa holders, etc, who are happy to find a flexible lease. Airbnb is a lucrative alternative. There are services online for people to help you manage it at a distance.

Spending & Earning Money:

-          If you have Registered Retirement Savings, consider negotiating with yourself to invest in your life right now, for a better future. You cannot justify going on if it doesn’t feel right just because “it’s what I’m expected to do”. Your future self would not agree. You only have one life, don’t waste it doing something that is not meaningful to you. If you use your time constructively, checking in with yourself, this is like going back to school (and maybe you want to do that as well).

-          Find a way to earn extra money if you can.. but if this is outside your field of expertise, your hourly rate could fall to a small fraction of what you are use to. Is this an efficient use of your time? It should be, in one way or another, such as: if it allows you to live elsewhere for a period of time or if you are learning something that is of value to you. Then you can justify the salary difference, as you are (constructively) investing in your life experience as well.

-          You might struggle to find a sideline. Before quitting your job, make sure you have an emergency plan, such as a line of credit or a low-interest credit card. They are much easier to acquire while you still have a steady income.

Using your time well: Learning & Living (/Travelling)

-          Now that you are making Time for yourself, have objectives or paths of exploration. This time window is a great privilege, don’t waste it. If you want to feel more creative, then fix goals to make sure you stick to new resolutions, as changing habits demands commitment. If you need a serious break to get your breath back first, then take it. But don’t waste it in oblivion with excessive partying and sleeping. Realise why you needed a break to begin with. Observe your mental state. Don’t judge it. Look for resources to help you digest it. Talk to others.

-          If you have been curious about changing fields but hesitate to jump into a new field of studies, consider volunteering, weekend workshops, conferences, seminars, reading textbooks, etc. Attending an expensive conference can be free and easy when you offer your time as a volunteer. It’s worked for me 80% of the time. I usually just tell my honest story.

-       This is a great occasion to sample a different culture, climate, new activity, or simply see the world. Simplify down your life completely by living out of a backpack for a while. It’s amazing how enlightening and freeing it can be, to remove yourself completely from daily responsibilities and agendas. See the tips below on how best to do it. This can (and should be in some way) connected to Learning.

Tips for affordable and enriching travels:

-       Watch for deals and sign up for alerts; certain people centralise these around specific location (YULair for example).. these days, Asia is a real bargain (700-800$ flights from Montreal), and you can live comfortably on 20-30$ a day (all costs included), which is often less than what we spend in Western countries on food and drinks alone.

-       Fly on points if it makes sense. A variety of signing bonuses are available from banks and credit cards. Multiple blog entries have been written (elsewhere) outlining the best deals. In Canada, you can get 10,000 aeroplan points with a free TD Visa and 20,000 points with a 120$ Amex. With those points, you can fly one way to Europe, paying the additional 80$ in taxes + fees (if flying crappy United). Deals are much more interesting in the US. Last year, I flew round trip to New Zealand, normally a 2000-2500$ trip for 113$ in taxes (and 85,000 points).

-       When possible, and if travelling for a while, long enough to stay in one place for one month and more, look into getting a work-holiday visa. They are available until age 35 (inclusively) in many countries (at least for Canadians), such as for New Zealand, Germany, Switzerland, etc. Otherwise the options are limitless if you are 30 and under. Again, this compressed information (which countries, which conditions) is available in many blogs online.

-       WWOOFing is a rather well known travel-learning concept where you work a few hours a day in exchange for room (and board, most of the time). Look it up. You do not have to be a registered user or go to a registered place to enjoy the benefits of this logical and practical energy exchange. In the same way, many hostels will let you stay for free if you contribute a few hours time of your day. This makes travelling entirely affordable. I got to stay in a magical sustainable site in New Zealand where half my days would be spent learning about sustainable agriculture working with wonderful people and in the other half, I would swim, mediate (lessons with someone), learn guitar and ukulele, play, cook, discuss, read, etc. My only costs during those 3 weeks were the chocolate and peanut butter I shared and needed on top of the beautiful vegan food we were fed.

-      Couchsurfing-type online communities are great for a few days spent in the (more expensive) bigger cities. For cyclotourists there is also warmshowers.org. You are hosted for free, and can cook homemade meals (for your host as well), thereby making the experience very affordable (and enriching).

-      Don’t be afraid to tell people what you are doing and what you need. This is how I was offered free accommodation in a miniature room on a hotel boat in Amsterdam for a month, where my only duty was to make sure the boat didn’t go up in flames at night when there was no staff on the premises.

*** How to deal with expenses and financial stress ***

Regardless of financial fallbacks and cost cutting.. you will still be faced with opportunities to spend money that force you to reconsider your spending habits. Your friends are renting a posh cabin for the weekend? Ooops, can you afford to spend 200$ for three nights not including food? Perhaps you wouldn’t have blinked before, while working a steady job, but if you don’t know where your next pay check will come from, or maybe you are now picking up restaurant work for 12$/hour instead of your professional rate of many-times-more; a few hundred dollars here and there can be a big hit for your wallet.

On the flip side, you made this career decision yourself for all the benefits it can bring and complaining about being broke is just not worth it. When you let financial stress get to you, you can feel worthless, wonder about your purpose, requestion your quest... Leave your friends out of your dilemmas, but mostly, try not to get caught up in the stress. It leads nowhere but to negative energy and scrooge behaviour for you and everyone involved. Instead, take a long term perspective with the situation at hand. The extra spending probably means borrowing this money from your retirement savings (= future money). Is this worth it? Does your “you” at retirement agree with this? The fact is, you will either retire with too much money or too little, as noone knows how much they will need and for how long. But society incites you to plan for worst case scenario. A 100$ won’t make a difference here. Not if it means doing something you've always wanted to do, or cherishing quality time with people that matter. But if the “content” of your weekend (ie. the expenditure) doesn’t associate with any goal you might have with respect to your time off, than maybe you should skip this one. It’s not part of your bigger plan.

Whatever you do, don’t waste time regretting expenses or missed opportunities. There is a reason for everything, just keep moving forward.

a sabbatical year

A year ago, on January 1st 2015, life was seemingly normal albeit the usual questioning.. I had no idea I would end up spending most of the year learning and unlearning. For many personal and professional reasons however, I soon made that decision, and challenged myself to a year of unknowns, starting with unemployment.

Life has a funny way of putting people in your way, and so this year I came to meet many 30-something’s (and younger and older people) in a similar place, putting their career and expectations on hold to realign themselves. Moreover, I spoke to many that equally felt stuck in their current situation, but did not have the courage or flexibility to step away from it. For these people, as well as for everyone I haven’t caught up with, I decided to narrate my process. It’s a little long, understandably so, but I’ve tried to stick to the main "currents" only, leaving the distracting eddies aside.

----------------------------

End of 2014, I gave myself the objective to use my “alone time” of the Holiday season to decide if I was going to stay with my new job and just focus on improving it, or finally jump ship.

You see, I had been at this job for four months by then, and I considered this timely “shit or get off the pot” decision time. The role started out very promising, like (almost) all new jobs do.. Then came the post honeymoon phase., where just like with any relationship as you get more familiar with it, you also get more intimate with the weaknesses and points of friction.

Except outside of these points, I was also having more and more difficulty seeing a successful path ahead for this new start-up. I played the believer at first, but it all needed a good dose of reality check. I was hardly being supported in my job, sent to take two steps back after each step forward, and my salary felt like it wasn't well invested, neither was my time.

When I came back to work early January, I decided to make a proper final go at “making it work”. But my boss was not there. I then found out he was still in Europe for the week, he just hadn’t told me. In our giant Montreal office of two people, having battled the frigid winds of an icy January morning, that left me… cold. I decided to go work “from home” somewhere warm, if my flight credits could cover it, and by the next day, my resilient self was sitting in Miami. In a soulful trendy (eco-conscious) spot with wifi and power outlets by the pool (I swear).

Again, sitting with my newfound ambitions to reconnect with the job, I (bikini-clad) strategized and put together very constructive and illustrative emails for my boss and his boss to get back to me on, ASAP. Key points to move forward on. Absolutely necessary points to discuss before items a, b and c could be developed for potential clients d, e and f. Am available anytime this week. Shall I call you tomorrow?

Nothing. Heard nothing, except the sounds of waves crashing nearby. An answer all by itself, right?

And so, after a weekend diving and exploring the Florida Keys, asking the fish for their opinion on this, I returned to Montreal to one cold empty office.. I started assembling pieces of a plan, letting my inspirations and intuitions bubble up to the surface. By the following week, I listed all my points of no-return to my boss. In the unlikely outcome that an action plan could be discussed out of it. But once I concluded with item #25 (...), we both knew it was the end our collaboration.

Despite my shoulders feeling like a weight had been lifted, still, I didn’t want to bounce around from one failed new job start to another, and I wasn’t willing to settle for less than the previous few great work experiences, so with that it became evident that I needed time, space and flexibility. To explore alternatives, interests, contexts.. see if by deconstructing and testing new waters, I would find what had been missing in my consulting work. But had something been missing? or is it just that there is no such thing as a perfect job, like there is no perfect relationship, perfect person, etc, etc? ..well, don’t ask the girl who’s always single. Time would tell. Maybe.

In chapter zero of this story, on the last day of January, I would travel to Thailand as previously planned for my “normal” work vacation, now become the end of my failed new job position. Except I didn’t feel like I deserved a vacation.. I was worried about spending.. there was a very powerful full moon passing through and there was friction in the air between my great friend Michael and I. For the first time ever, we were getting caught up in the small stuff, mostly financial matters, but it was pulling much more along with it. What a rough start to a year off.. and with that I retreated to a buddhist monastery for five days to clear my head and my heart, and find the path to myself again. This self-search, unknowingly, would becoming my “baseline topic of interest” for the year.

I went home briefly in February to.. repack my things, reorganise my life and hug some great friends a few more times before leaving again. This time, I was banking my frequent flyer points towards a long stay in New Zealand, this beautiful gem far far away where strangers go out of their way to help you. I would enjoy reversed seasons while Montreal endured its coldest winter in twenty years (oh but the electricity bills related to my careless tenants kept coming by email). This time, I would focus on general Topic of Interest 1: Sustainable practices. I conveniently addressed the restricted budget issue by renting out my place to cover my remote costs, but mostly by arranging for work-stay exchanges in different locations in NZ that meant I only had to pay for extra-ordinary expenses. During this chapter, I also had a heap of time to myself. I pushed my skills on the ukulele, kept cycling, running.. read multiple books on health, nutrition, sustainable food production, and more books on east-meets-west philosophy/spirituality. In my head and in my heart, I was still trying to work out the lack of balance I had felt in human relationships over the previous months. The time, the distance and the space were of great use. I found a little paradise in the Coromandels, living in the "Love" camper, watching the sunrise from my pillow everyday, over a gorgeous estuary, and most days were filled with rich and enriching moments shared with many beautiful souls. Such luck.

In the next chapter, starting in May, I returned to Montreal to run my other apartment on airbnb. That would be my income “thing” for the summer. I continued digging into Topic 1 by joining a permaculture workshop on the farm, where I met beautiful people I shared more adventures with thereafter (permaculture roadtrip, tiny home festival, community gardens, etc). I also tried to get an initiative going, through which I met many more beautiful souls, active and devoted to sustainable causes in the community, food for all, etc, etc. I attended UQAM’s international Urban Agriculture Summer School (strongly recommended) and got excited by everything happening around me. Humbly however, I realised there were as many skilled and invested individuals as there were initiatives, and thus that this was perhaps better retained as an interest and a lifestyle rather than as a career path. Still, much fun was had in my backyard and my kitchen as I applied new knowledge and experimented with it, for the enjoyment of the friends I continued to host regularly.

In parallel, I started focusing on Topic #2 - investigating that entrepreneurial fibre I knew was in me. I had had a few interesting ideas, but mostly creative projects I was too shy to talk about. That is also simply my nature.. keeping things under wraps until I know they will be accepted my most. Within the first few classes, and thanks to the brainstorming with my positive friend Pat, I had a great yet ambitious idea for a business in my developing neighbourhood that really aligned my interests and my values. I actively developed it into a business plan, while pounding the pavement researching the market, real estate opportunities, similar businesses, interviewing key people and businesses, etc. I met with so many people that were equally motivated by my project once I started discussing it. It was more empowering that any work project I could remember working on. But it was still an idea. I knew that the picture was incomplete, and that the plan was wildly ambitious. As am I, in general, but still… Everyone knows an entrepreneur has to be married to his business 80 hours a week no? that type of lifestyle has nothing to do with how I had kept myself busy for the last 15 years of adulthood.

In the background, I had kept working on the “baseline topic”. I had had a few serious discussions with friends, shedding light on difficult events that had happened in the fall. Some things emerged. I had a breakthrough really. Wondering why, in more difficult periods, I had no sense of self-worth.. realising I had looked for it all my life in all the wrong places, mistaking accomplishments and friendships for personal validation. I assembled a few key truths from my past and my childhood that explained how I got there, but that didn’t make it any better. These realisations were powerful yet so scary. Like waking up realising you only had one kidney working this whole time. That it’s a great feat you’ve made it out so well until now.. but that you are lacking a vital organ.. and you realise just how empty and vulnerable that makes you. Then came acceptance, ever so slowly. My insightful readings continued, and I knew that by creating space around me, for *me* to fill, compassionately, and not filling it by other people’s expectations of me, or my desire to prove myself to them, I was on the right path. Just a long one, that required patience I wasn’t use to put in practice.

It wasn’t always easy. I lost one of those friends. He kept blaming me, judging me. “She’s not even working!” he said to another .. I guess he wasn’t really a friend to begin with, just another person I depended on for validation, when I was putting my best foot forward.

At the end of August, after submitting my final business plan to the school and to a contest, I took off to Nevada for Burning Man. Although I didn’t secure a ticket until the previous week, the gods came through (with the gracious efforts of Tamara). I had been eyeing the event all year, my saving grace in a series of emotionally intense chapters in my life. In another post, I will write about how Burning Man restores faith in humanity. I expected a "burn" full of insights and powerful discussions, and yet I surprised myself by just disconnecting from the intensity and having fun in the moment. I did meet a few key people that helped shape my reflexions. Getting to know Scott reassured me that you didn’t have to give up travelling to become an entrepreneur… and talking to Andy convinced me that you could keep pursuing various projects still, as an entrepreneur, as long as you could partner up with trusted and committed individuals. Eventually I had to (sadly) leave BM early to attend a wedding in Cali, where I reconnected with equally motivated friends and plans were made to change the world, once again! I roadtripped through the US to make it home this time, and that, was the cold shower. "America" is full of angry and lost people. Oh well, not worth commenting on that here.

When I got home in September, I was reminded that, budget wise, it made more sense to rent out my place than to live in it, and again within hours or days, plans came together. I accepted two travel propositions from friends, as I decided to test out the waters of (part of) my business idea, and finally complete my yoga teacher training. The trip would be the last two months of the year: Myanmar, Nepal, India.

October felt endless. Because this time, I didn't really have a project to focus on. My goal for staying through the month was to attend the gala for that entrepreneurial contest, at the end of the month. Also, to try to leverage my real estate to allow me further investments. But my financial advisor was a lethargic roadblock and the contest did not really allow me to network at all. I felt like I was wasting my time.

Finally, I made it to Yangon to meet with my old friend Andrew. Most of our friendship could be condensed in our last year of university, 2002-2003. But thanks to facebook, we got together for a bike ride in San Francisco before Burning Man and made these plans to finally travel together. Andrew is one of the only friends I have who has travelled (much) more than I. He is also one of my more spontaneous friends. I knew we would have a good time. What I did not expect was that we would also have many deep conversations about life, people, society, growing up, expectations, relationships, spirituality, and so on. Our friendship still made so much sense, if not more. I am really greatful for it.

Next I puddle-jumped to Kathmandu, to meet a friend I had made at Burning Man. That meant taking a chance, certainly, but compared to everything I had done already in the year, it was no real concern. We were easy going people crossing paths for a moment, both travelling, on "sabbatical" from our consulting careers. Again, the experience was a very positive one. Many great discussions were had, throughout our hikes in the middle of jaw-dropping mountainous tableaus.. I found out my spending habits were a perfect match for a cheap dutchy :). I realised once again just how much better I had gotten at being present in the moment, releasing any anxiety related to the future. It was not the case for both of us, and eventually it was time to move on.

At last, I reached my last major stop, a middle-of-nowhere jungle camp in Goa. The alarm clock was set for 6 AM the next morning and for most mornings to follow, in that intensive four weeks. Chanting begun at 6:30 followed by yoga, and breakfast didn't happen until 9. Multiple classes filled the day, under a crushing heat, and the final yoga class finished at 7 PM. And so it went, with a strict schedule and strict simple meals three times a day - more rigidity than I had known in as many years as I can remember. It wasn't easy, but eventually I stopped aprehending what was coming and realised I enjoyed almost every moment, except when I was fighting off sleep in philosophy class. I also realised I was coherent in my person and my teaching. I received a lot of positive feedback about my authenticity, my confidence, my energy. It felt great, to finally be in a field where we focus on positivity. And to hear the twice-daily concert presented by insects and birds during sunrise and sunset yoga practices, drowning out the teacher's voice in their melodic chorus - priceless.

I befriended wonderful people during those weeks, yet made sure to give myself plenty of space for the yoga to do its thing. Graduation came and went, and we married ourselves on the beach that night. The next morning I left and headed south to Kerala, the only other place in India I felt keen on visiting. So many wonderful things happened in the space of only a week, I had to write about it. Please refer to the stories about my first yoga student, on how India restored my faith in humanity, how I learned the secret to unlock doors..

I got to meet so many wonderful hearts in those few days leading up to Christmas, but hung out a little more with a fellow foreigner (we lived in the same village for 3 months when I was 16th.. felt like family). After I left - because I had to - he sent me this: "Was beautiful meeting you, heartwarming, uplifting". This felt great to receive, of course, but it felt also described rather well how it felt lately just to be me, with a lot less mind-fuck then I allowed in there before. I am really happy with how the year has turned out. I learned to enjoy the process, not the result.

What now? Well technically it'll only be one year in mid-February. I have been keen on putting my energy towards something more productive though, and my finances and lifestyle cannot survive eternally like this. I realised over time that my time was more productive (financially as well) by investiging where I had more experience. My time has more leverage this way. Hopefully with a clearer head, I can find a better balance in my field. It might mean a new environment as well. Since getting back, I have been told about work in Colombia, Ecuador, the Netherlands and Germany. Nothing in Montreal. And with the detachment the last year has given me, I like that. I haven't really unpacked yet, to be honest.

I haven't abandoned the business idea that shaped a good part of the year. However, obstacles, such as my financial advisor having to be replaced, per my request (he was too good at ignoring my calls and emails) and other dancing steps (one-step-forward-two-steps-back) mean that after six months of efforts trying to acquire the real estate for my vision, I will put the project to rest for now. Lets just call it a siesta. And while I am applying for jobs, I have also gone back to learning Dutch, practicing yoga, reading, running, seeing friends, fixing things around the house.. time flies.

I have no idea what the future holds but I am absolutely enjoying the process.

Hope other people needing this space for themselves find a way to make it happen. I also wrote a piece on tips to make it work financially, here

my problem with that bottle in your car

This episode probably taught me more than it taught the other person, even though it immediately had more impact on her than on me. This is dedicated to her, my beautiful friend Pascale, who took the insight and ran with it.

We’re driving “up North” in a car Pascale had someone rent for her for the weekend. It’s Friday (I’m in love?), it was a hussle to get everything in and try to leave before traffic (impossible). I’m so thirsty, but I forgot to fill up a water bottle.

Pascale offers me the (disposable) water bottle that’s on the floor, unopened.

It’s one of those bottles you can get at a gas station, 12 for 3.99$, or whatever great deal you can imagine.

“Have it! Really!”

I’m thirsty, but I won’t have it. Because to me, it’s much more than a water bottle.

You see, I spent years working as a consultant in the environmental impact of products over their life cycle. When I see an object, I don’t see its price tag so much. I see its origin, its use, its destination. When I look at that bottle of water, I see petroleum aquired for nothing, this super rich (and highly polluting) resource we’re so rapidly depleting from the earth for the silliest purposes (think of all the Made-in-China single-use plastic junk available everywhere). I see all the energy required to refine and transform it. I am reminded of all the local environmental impacts. And that it will probably either end up in landfill somewhere or on a boat to China to hopefully get recycled (like that’s efficient). All that trouble, just so I can have a single drink of water because I was too forgetful/busy to fill one of mine with tap water. I am also well aware that a lot more water and energy was required to fill, label and cap, as well as transport that bottle, compared to the quantity of water it actually contains. It’s just so irresponsible.

And that responsibility ultimately belongs to the person drinking that bottle.

So although everyone focuses on the cost of the bottle - it’s so cheap!! - it’s actually really expensive in terms of resources versus its benefits. It weighs heavily on my shoulders. And to see it there, to not say anything… but, to say something is to spread the heaviness though isn’t it? Difficult spot to be in.

That time, I reckoned - we’ve got time to discuss this. And Pascale is a friend. And she doesn’t know much about my work experience. So let me tell her. Let me share what I know and how I feel about it.

And to my surprise, she wasn’t annoyed. She said - we don’t know this stuff (the average folk), this info isn’t out there. It’s more or less true. It’s part of the information the general public just doesn’t want to hear about, so it’s not in your face... Sure, there was that viral video about “the history of stuff” and there were a few more successful efforts of communication on the topic. But you have to search it out. To most people, objects just have a financial cost. I find that ridiculous, because the value of money is much less tangible, much more variable. The value of resources however, the footprint on the environment. That’s very real. That has permanent impact. That will not change if you cross the border (okay, the resources required to produce electricity changes, but again, it’s just as tangible).

It was funny, because a year earlier, on another weekend away, for Easter that time.. I felt annoyed, again, that Pascale and another friend were throwing away plastic easter eggs they had single-use(d) to hide candy around the cabin. “But they only cost 99 cents!” they rebutted to my insistance not to throw them out, to which I replied that it was irrelevant, that the real cost was petroleum to be extracted from the earth and refined, just for this.. so let this not be a single useless application of it.. etc.. but how moralistic right? What a buzzkill!

After our little chat in the car, during which I also explained to Pascale how all this felt so heavy on my shoulders.. how I found it so discouraging to watch people consume so carelessly.. she got into this. She started reading on the matter, and consulting with her good friend that was already well engaged in a Zero Waste initive, etc.

And it’s a really rewarding process, than to get into sustainability. To realise that there is a lot of information out there that is just waiting for you to absorb it. To start making better choices for you and your/the environment.. to become more responsible.. to become a more critical thinker. It’s empowering.

I don’t really take any credit for this, because it was really a fluke that I inspired her into this path. I however do give her all the credit for teaching me that the knowledge I have should not just bear weight. It is really everyone’s duty to share our knowledge with whomever might be willing to know more. We all have a story to tell. Let us become active listeners and teachers.

my first yoga student

What got me hooked into yoga, back in 2004, was the small enlightning truths some teachers feed you. For example, when someone makes you realize the fine line between working hard, and self-violence. That, one is productive and even meditative, while the other is damaging and leaves you worst off. You can often project these truths into anything you do, and you leave the practice with your mind just a little bit more opened. Feeling a little bit more whole.

The physical aspect is typically what reels in the followers. The reference yogis and yoginis are typically slender but powerful, flexible but strong. It’s a great compliment to any physically demanding sport. For years I practiced yoga off and on.. but it was only during my yoga teacher training, in Goa, end of 2015, that I reconnected with the spiritual dimension of yoga.  I was keen to go out there and bring it to people, one inspiring truth at a time, the way my first teacher Eve had done it in my classes in 2004. To bring the best of me to others.

Many believe in the power of manifestation. Focus commitedly on what you desire, ask the universe, and it will come to you. One thing is for sure, it usually helps to tell others what you want. And so on this first morning in Kerala, when I was flagged down in the street to talk about Myanmar (wearing a souvenir shirt displaying in bad English - “Remember to I love Bagan, Myanmar”) in what seemed like a never-ending conversation… I eventually decided this wasn’t just a banal meet up. “So, what can you do for me? Any information about the area?” I returned. This is when the well travelled Indian man and his Swiss sidekick told me about this resort-like property on a sustainable farm, about an hour out of town. Ah ha. Very much my style. And a slogan that caugh my eye: “Is the Lonely Planet making you feel lonely again?”. That’s when I knew this meetup was meant to be. I had narrowed my goals to one priority for the week, and that was my next line: “I want to teach yoga this week. I’ll do it in exchange for room and board. Could your business use a yoga teacher?”

And this is how we made plans to meet later that day for me to follow them home.

Later we stopped along the road to buy “chicken and fish”, I realized it was the real deal. They pulled out live chickens from a stack of cackling cages, and a huge fish from the freezer. Less troubling, that last one. Paul and I were troubled, and had to walk away from the stall. At age 40, like perhaps half of India, Paul had never eaten meat in his life, and I prefer not to, for a variety of reasons. For one, these chickens didn’t have a life to speak of. But society chooses to look the other way, so around the world, animals are treated cruelly.

Paul’s 23 year old sidekick Felice’s comment was “but eating chicken is normal”. I cringed. This reminded me of presenting environmental impacts of dairy production to a crowd of somewhat attentive dairy farmers, and having one farmer start the questions session with “but it hasn’t even been proven that climate change is linked to human behaviour”. Sorry Mr. Trump. It’s just too much effort to get into a discussion with someone who doesn’t care to ask themselves any serious questions or question their own behaviour.

The use of the word “normal” by Felice that made me cringe so much was later followed with a similar reaction to the use of the word “weird”. He had used it to describe how Indians can be really intense when they meet new people, by showing a great deal of enthusiasm in getting to know the person and seeing them again. In short, they *really* want to be your friend, without that layer of comfortable distance Westerners usually surround themselves with. But to call their behaviour “weird”, in their own environment, is just projecting another society’s more or less accepted behaviour onto one where it does not belong. And to do that, you have to start by generalising the behaviour of reference, and then generalising the behaviour of the people you are throwing your pre-conceived ideas against. This leaves no room for individuality. This in turn is quite a contrast with Felice, who seemed like a rebellious kid, into fast cars and fast bikes, having done every marginal activity from break dancing to snowboarding, etc. But always, Felice was quick to generalise anything and everything.

The irony here is that a lot of Felice’s general anger, also behind this judgement, is linked to just this type of behaviour. For having been an outsider in a homogenous group, growing up as a muslim (later converted) and darker-skinned youth, to an absent mom, in a white-bread homogenous germanic Switzerland.

Sadly, we repeat the same negative behaviours we condemn.

And we fear the unknown. It is easier to judge it then to accept it.

Felice’s stay at the ‘resort’ had been going on for about two months. Paul said he was mentally 10 when he first showed up. He followed saying “now, he’s about 15”. We laughed, as nearby Felice could actually hear us. Perhaps it’s a good thing he did. I hadn’t been around for long, but it was obvious that the way Felice harnessed so much anger inside, he had a lot of emotional maturing to do still, and the first step is waking up.

And yet this guy is a really sharp-minded, observant, skilled and kind individual. He is just one more emotionally stunted person that could potentially “ruin” their life by making decisions on a daily basis fuelled by the pent-up emotions inside. Like an emotional cancer, slowly growing everyday, inhibiting basic functions of the soul, such as love and compassion. This seems to be a rampant problem among people growing up “in the West” surrounded by “normal” standards. Like others, Felice was molded to distrust, to fear, to judge, to hate.

Fortunately for Felice, different factors in his life made him realize his anger and subsequent behaviour were undesirable going forward, and with the funny ways life does its thing, he was offered the opportunity to come spend some “healing” time with Paul, a Tantra “guru” that had helped heal a friend of Felice from testicular cancer, along with an ongoing ayurvedic health routine.

Meanwhile, Paul is not your conventional guru. From the second I met him, I never would have used the word “zen” to describe him, as you might with most gurus. Rather, he was intense all the way, all the time. With an equally strong and stubborn personality, Paul and Felice butted heads quite often. Most compelling however was the innate love in their relationship. This somehow made the yelling and arguing okay, because they relied “unconditionally” on each other. I was quite amazed at this. Only Indians love this much, in my experience. One minute I was stressed by their turbulent disagreements; the next, I was blown away by the strength in the bonding made in the conversation. And so amidst all the chaos between those two, I found it easy to love both of them for their big hearts. I figured they could both learn from each other, but they had to get rid of their egos. They always fought to be right, it was like two bulls in one arena! The discussions would often derail when Paul presented Tantra-based arguments that were unrealistic in the Western world (eg: no need to wear a seat belt if you tap into tantric energy), and Felice replied with a provocative generalisation hinting at violent behaviour (eg: the importance of everyone owning a gun). Then all hell broke loose.

In this I found inspiration for my yoga class. Physically, I was introducing Felice to a more Western style of practice, a hatha flow class, more physically demanding then the Indian hatha he was used to. I threw in a few demanding arm balances as I could tell he had the physical power, and this twist would make it extra interesting, perhaps luring him into the practice. He turned out to execute all the postures perfectly on first attempt! I wouldn’t credit my teaching.. he just has a good awareness of his strength and body alignment.

More importantly, I brought a few basic ideas in meditation, for the class opening and closing. This is where I knitted in my inspiration and wisdom. The idea was to help bring awareness to all the negative emotions and thoughts that seemed to always be lurking nearby. To help them start observing the ego at work. Observe the mind’s incessant banter; all the negative thoughts are useless. Fear, anger, sadness, linked to your past or maybe projections in the future.. they loop you in and take you away from your current existence in the present. When you notice yourself caught up in negativity, breathe and come back. Focus on where you are, what is happening around you. Let go of the bagage. It’s already done enough (too much).

Repeatadly during class, I would bring him back to the present:  Where is your mind right now. Are you here?

Eventually that day, I felt it was my time to go. I got back on the road. The rest of my week was amazing, but I did not get another chance to teach yoga. This had been it. But it had been extra special.

the secret that unlocks doors

It’s 3:30 AM, Kochi, Kerala, India. My last day in the country.

I just got off the night train, to make my way to the local airport.

Outside, there are only men working, around the taxi stand, the tea shop, the rickshaw stand..

Should I be worried, stressed?

Not at all. Because I know now that behind each of these unemotional face is a big honest heart. Or for the most part, and you can tell right away. I take my time, having tea, fresh juice, than head to the rickshaw (tuk tuk).

I enjoy my sit back there, knowing it’s probably my last one for a while. My rickshaw driver asks me if he can stop for tea along the way, because it’s cold (not by my standard!). “Sure! No problem! I have time!” I say warmheartedly. He absolutely insists on sharing his tea with me. I am moved to (hidden) tears. The shopkeeper hands me tissues “is it the weather?”

…..

At the airport, there are army guards controlling the entrances, but this is standard fare in India. I go to make my way to the domestic terminal, a tall handsome guard greets me.

“I’m sorry ma’m, the airport is closed until 4:45” (it’s just after 4:15)

• Oh, ok. I was hoping to use the bathroom (...India still rhymes with diarrhea…)
• The bathroom is also closed
• Oh, ok. It’s not much time to wait anyways.

So I walk over to some spot on the floor and get comfy, pulling out my book.

A lady in a grey sari walks by. Instinctively, I look up and smile at her lovingly. She returns the exact sentiment. Oh my god. I speak their language now.

Just then (two minutes have gone by?) the army guard walks over to me and announces the bathroom has opened. I move to the inside of the terminal. Being myself, just really genuine and human, I have single-handedly unlocked a domestic terminal. ;)

I am floating on a cloud. Every interaction feels so intensely real. I am not concerned about the results, about defending my position, about pretending to be strong, that I deserve respect, good prices, etc. This would have been the case while travelling in India in 2009, interacting with rickshaws and people of authority.

So, how does this all fit with the world outside Kerala? Today will be a first test, in two aspects. I will fly to Mumbai and spend the day there. A much more chaotic city, it is not Kerala, but it is still India, a country known (by some/many) for its intensity (and love). Also, I will be able to compare my experience there with my previous one, in 2009. I didn’t think much of it back then. It was awfully chaotic, I was always “protecting” my best interest, saying no to insisting touts, negotiating hard for anything, etc.

When I get to Mumbai, I head to the ‘loo (...). There, not thinking, I again give a warm smile to a woman. The bathroom cleaner as it turns out. Her reaction is immediate, the smile is fully returned, I have yet another WOW moment.

I spend the day trying to get a few things done, in a rather touristy area. Overall, I find the people here much more chaotic indeed, but this time, instead of walking away, I stay present, and I talk.

• “No, sorry, not interested in (what you’re selling) but I’m looking for (XYZ).
• Oh, this way ma’m!” and they do everything they can to help me.

It doesn’t fail. Not once. Their smiles are not always as easy to get, but it doesn’t matter. Now I know. I know I can be much more connected, and I have faith in myself now, not just in humanity, or rather, as an important part of humanity.

Epilogue

Returning to (cold and snowy) Montreal, surrounded by Westerners, the magic mostly faded, sadly. Everywhere, surrounded by people looking the other way, avoiding eye contact. But it wasn’t all gone. Or rather, was it that my presence wasn’t all gone? For one, every moment has been more enjoyable. With respect to others, I still find myself often in situations of enjoyable connexions with friends and with strangers. And those, they existed before as well, it’s not like I suddently woke up from a stupor. It was gradual. I also find others to be more awake. There is definitely mutual appreciation when a stranger and I have a real connexion. In the end, it really only takes one quality interaction to make my day. Hope lives on!

Green but not Grumpy...

There are sooo many messages out there. And there’s a green version of everything. There’s a lot of annoying self-pride related to doing the responsible thing.. it’s practically a turn off.
Eat less/no meat, don’t drive, consume less, don’t gift so much, forget plastic bags, water bottles are bad, organic this, local that, go vegetarian but soy is bad.. the list goes on and on.
I often hear people say “how do you know?” wondering about the legitimacy of claims or how to prioritise in front of contradictory messages (eg: go local or organic, not synonymous and sometimes contradictory). This blog is about consumption, I will leave transportation out.

For some, the constant reminder of our negative impact is a big downer. Take me for instance; working in the measurement of environmental impacts made me critically aware of *everything*, or enough to make one go crazy. Sure, I used humour to notice how our use of automatic doors was selfish - when there were “manual” doors right next to them that did not consume energy, but the contrasts where still staring me in the face every time.
When you notice everyone else’s impact and selfish decisions/carelessness as well, it gets heavy. And uselessly so.
So how do you find balance?
Well, let's remove health choices as well from this debate.. you can be healthy *and* environmentally conscious as well. Antioxidants are everywhere in raw food for example, there is no need to have everyone consuming açai berries from Brazil on a daily basis.
When it comes to the footprint of being human.. lets remember that all beings have a footprint. Your dog has one (yikes!), but also the birds outside, the fish in the ocean, the tiger in the jungle.. yet no one wants to get rid of these guys right?
What differs between their actions + resulting footprint and ours is that our ecosystem has the capacity to absorb and adapt to everything they do. It is “sustainable” (highly overused word - what does that even mean?). What they consume is renewable. Renewable or sustainable are words that define an action that leaves no permanent impact. Renewable materials like wood are ones that can be replaced by nature. In what time-frame ? This is the tricky part that excludes fossil fuels for example from this category, although they, too, were made by mother nature. Many references use a “lifetime” as a reference. So if the tiger’s impact (mostly food) can regenerate itself within the tiger’s lifetime, he’s a-okay. Certain types of fish we eat however, will not regenerate themselves within our lifetime. In fact, we are quickly running out.
Food is the input of this animal being, waste is the output. The same logic should be used to look at the other half of the footprint. The tiger’s waste will ultimately be beneficial, fertilising the soils wherever he goes. Since we assume he lives in his natural habitat, there are no further questions necessary. However, if he was displaced and lived on a boat for a while (Life of Pi..), then we would have to critically evaluate the impact of the “delta” or the difference caused by this change in the ecosystem he is now part of. Fish farming, the “obvious” solution to the depletion of oceans, is causing huge amounts of waste (including antibiotics) in areas that cannot sustain it. Cause for concern.

Back to human beings. If this was the stone age, and we ran around living in harmony with nature, we’d be just like the tiger. Our consumption however has far exceeded simple needs of food and shelter, and our overall waste is tenfold what our body excretes if not more.
When I feel bad about buying and consuming even simple things such as toilet paper… or cheering myself up with a new piece of clothing, I remind myself of this forgivable condition. Is it renewable? Can the earth adapt? was it responsibly made (as there are social costs involved as well)? and what kind of waste will I generate with this?

 Overall, so many things can find their way into the “excusable” zone, it’s quite a relief! Just avoid plastics and metals whenever possible, otherwise consume them responsibly and make sure to repair, reuse and recycle. Wood, paper, cotton, rayon, wool, all good! But buyers beware… really. Your shirt can be made locally from fibers produced in a sustainable manner.. or it can be made with cotton grown unsustainably, with poorly managed pesticides and fertilisers, using toxic dies, harvested and made by children and women who do not receive basic conditions, etc, etc.

 So, once again, the idea is to be a critical and educated buyer. Figure out what you want and ask for it. Don’t let the corporations use shortcuts and tell you that’s what you want. You can also choose to associate with organisations that respect the same values, so you don’t have to ask yourself so many questions at every purchase. Go on, take those blinders off. If we all do our best, things can get better from here on.